Monday 30 September 2013

12 wk night eve!

and my other bestie E just sent me more baby oufits, just had a big chortle in the bath!





I actually CANT BELIEVE its the 12 wk milestone in 24 hrs!!!!

Friday 27 September 2013

ohhhhh what fun we shall have ;) *UPDATED*

POOR BABY CJ!

I apologise in advance to our daughter...YOU WILL be dressed up for all holidays, easter, halloween, christmas, its going to happen....



There is something about babies in stupid outfits that never gets old.  This has to be one of the best...
I welcome my family and friends to purchase as outrageous an outfit as you can find....

My best friend just sent me this, ER MA GHERD.....I NEED this now!!!



IF..... Never been more true :)

IF you can keep your head when all about you 
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings 
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Tuesday 24 September 2013

Couldn't resist...sorry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LxC3M-Yngs

Dare you not to sing this for 24 hours!!! teee heee...Sorry!

11 weeks today! 1 more till 12 (well obviously)

Baby CJ is 11 weeks today! WHOOP! Not long until we can spill to everyone...And more importantly not long till baby CJ is in the second trimester...So so exciting to be able to say this...
She is the size of a lime- mmmmmm mojito anyone? (both M and I have been singing put the lime in the coconut...which is funny as in 11 more weeks she will be a coconut size!) She is now almost fully formed, her hands soon open and close into little fists..Ready to punch all the boys away who will no doubt chase her. She is already busy kicking and stretching and her tiny movements are so effortless its like she is doing water ballet in R's tummy. In 1-2 months R will feel these movements. She has started to hiccup as her diaphragm is forming. When the doppler we bought R arrives she will be able to hear heartbeat now...





Sunday 22 September 2013

And from our Dr :)


" My name is Brian Kaplan and I am a physician specialising in the field of Infertility.
Having grown up in South Africa I have now lived in the US for 30 years.
I do believe the complimentary  education qualities of an 'English' schooling and post graduate specialisation of the US system to be ideal and have been therefore very fortunate.
My passion and optimism for this transformative world of Assisted Reproductive Technology has never been stronger.
The remarkable qualities of my patients - dedication ,drive ,commitment ,inner strength humbles me daily.
G and M epitomise these qualities .I am so thrilled for this wonderful couple. I hope and pray that their dreams will be realised.
It has been a privilege to be part of this journey."

PIckle and Me in "our" christening gown :)


This is niece number 2 in the gown I was christened in. I hope baby CJ can be christened in this gown too, in fact that was what I was thinking when this pic was taken 15 yrs ago! I was looking at this little thing and thinking she was just the BEST thing EVER, and that I wanted to be a mummy so so so much in the future and was imagining myself standing in this very spot (the lake at my parents house) with my own! The house is no longer in our family and its likely baby will be christened at the church right next door to the in laws but I hope we get to use this gown! I haven't seen it since then! This little pickle is now a very grown up GORGEOUS girl!

Why R is doing this :) - By R Herself


When I was younger I saw an article on being a surrogate. I thought, man that sounds pretty cool. So once I had my first child, it was very apparent then that I had to give someone else the most incredible gift of life. The unconditional love of a child.
My hopes for surrogacy is to make a loving couple the happiest couple on earth. There really are no words to explain what it is like to become a parent for the first time. Life as you knew it, will be no longer, its not bad, just very different. Very rewarding, and sometimes very trying. But still worthwhile.
While going through the matching process and trying to choose the right couple for me, wasn't that easy. You speak to many people and they are all deserving of the greatest gift. G and M had gone through a lot to get to this point, there was something about them. I just wanted all of their pain to be gone and try and give them a little light at the end of the tunnel.
My journey so far, seems to be very long. All the waiting for everything to match up perfectly. The meds to finally work the way they were/are suppose to. At first I really didn't this isn't going to work, I was feeling a little defeated, it felt like every time I went to the doctor, there was something else. But after many weeks of medications, trials and tribulations, the transfer happened, then waiting for one of the most important phone calls of my life, yes you are indeed pregnant. I felt a sense of relief and thankfulness, that it took first time around, but knew we were not out of the woods. At about 6 weeks, I started to bleed, very terrifying and scared. Baby was/is ok as I am now 10 weeks pregnant. I really cannot complain on how I am feeling, I have only had the occasional day of feeling nauseous. I hope once we get to the 12 week mark, it will be smooth sailing till delivery.
The only thing thus far I am missing, is Sushi.

Saturday 21 September 2013

The importance of family...




This is a large chunk of Mr CJ's side of the family at a his brothers wedding this april. It was so lovely how many cousins and Auntie's and grand children etc came....babies and children everywhere! Family is an important thing, A family that love and support you no matter what, through thick and thin and love you for who you are, who talk with you not at you, a great bunch. I love this family I joined 11 years ago...I love my own family, Id do anything for my nieces and nephews, just love them to bits, I want baby CJ to have a great sense of being loved in a family atmosphere. All I ask is she is loved for who she is, for whatever she is interested in and believes in and does with her life.

A message to my daughter...

In the name of religion..

I am FED UP of people in this world using RELIGION as an EXCUSE to kill each other...when does this end...What kind of world will we be bringing our daughter into? I know evil has always existed in some shape or form and we have been killing each other in the name of religion for as long as we have existed on this earth nearly. Seeing the news this evening from Nairobi just sickens me...Recite a Islamic prayer and you live? what the heck?? I am not opposed to anyone believing in what the hell they want, just don't rub it in my face and don't you dare threaten to hurt me or my loved ones. Im sick to death of it all, you bomb me so I'll bomb you, to be honest the attitude SUCKS.
I wouldn't live in an Arab country if you paid me a small fortune. In fact we WERE offered a small fortune once for hubby's work. Sorry maybe thats controversial but its just way to volatile at the moment. I would dearly dearly love to see the pyramids and all that jazz in Egypt but I really wonder if we will ever get to go. We visited Marrakech in april, I have never felt so intimidated since I was spat in the face by a man in the Arab quarter in Jerusalem in 1998 ( and YES I was respectfully dressed) and called a "blue eyed western bi*ch..." We stayed in a riad in the city centre and whilst I really wanted to not be a terrified tourist and explore the city to the max, I have to be honest and say every time we were back from "going beyond the wall" (you hear me Game of Thrones fans) I was mighty relieved. Don't get me wrong some people, as in all countries were friendly and pleasant and the call to prayer in the evenings was a soothing  and quite beautiful sound , but the overall tone of Marrakech was very very hostile. Even with my husband and us both being covered as we should at times I was pretty scared. We were stared at, hissed at and even grabbed at.  I am no racist and I have a friend who is Muslim and I know Islam is a PEACEFUL religion at heart, but there are way to many people twisting this religion with a hatred so bright for the western world right now that its terrifying...NOT that we (us and the Americans) help ourselves getting involved in everyones business, starting or joining in in totally unnecessary wars.

 The main square...my least favourite place
 Beautiful rose fields outside the city used in essential oils...stunning
Even tried shisha......

Thursday 19 September 2013

IF you like dogs..

Then check out "off the leash" on facebook..VERY funny...here are 3 examples...



This is SO our dogs to a T.

Hopefully a better end to the week!

SOOOO THRILLED baby CJ is ok :) also we have an action plan for my knees at physio now from tuesday, It was really getting me down, Also doggies skin was seen today by a dermatologist who looked at so many things it was like an episode of CSI. We think we have an answer and hopefully medication will help them, poor little things, Roo and his wee problems, Tyler and his eye problems and now this! Thank God for pet insurance or todays bill would have been £1000!! But glad we have a plan for my dog babies.. Also feeling better about Harry dog, I really can see him with my daddy now :)

skyped with R after dinner last night and all seems good, LOVE LOVE seeing her little people, Little A is soooooo adorable, SUCH a cutie, she smiles and loves seeing us on skype though she is only ickle so she has no idea who we are! she blew kisses and waved last night...funny to think they are "tummy sisters" in a way!

I am pooped, been draining week emotionally and physically but have a busy busy day on friday...Hoping to wrap the AC up tonight...COME ON TEAM NZ. Ben Ainslie you may be super hawt and a fabulous sailor but please don't ruin our bet.



Thought I Would end on a funny note...Roo and Mr CJ fast asleep and I was bored so decided to mess about with the camera ;)

Wednesday 18 September 2013

HURRRRAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Heard HB for the first time 166 bpm - was 167bpm  2 weeks ago but they said thats fine!!! Good growth and saw her wriggling away .....and bleed 2/3 rds GONE!!!!! YIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPE!!!!!!!!! BEST bday gift EVER for daddy CJ!!!!
Hope to post a better pic soon!! The quality is RUBBISH as it was a portable scanner which isn't as good and also a tummy one whereas internal ones are clearer. Next scan and app is 2 october 12 weeks :)


this is such a small pic (via facetime) and also so blurry but you could make out her little body she was lying on her side and see her profile her forehead and her little nose poking out !!! She was also really moving about! probably annoyed at being disturbed!!!

Weaning

THIS is the bit I have to say I dread the most, not nappy changes, sick bugs, potty training...there is something about a baby covered in food that I find REALLY disgusting, I appreciate its a stage that every baby will go through including my own but...*bleurgh*...pictures of babies with food all over them is not cute...at all. like this picture I found on the internet when I googled "weaning"...

This just literally makes me heave!! My best friend A is weaning her son and is clever and is weaning using NON pureed food- I think its the orange puree "look" as above that gets me. Also the above baby does not look amused at all lol....Now THIS picture below is cute, the imaginary weaning pic in which the baby has a clean face and hands and smiles endearingly at the camera happily about to munch away, not the screaming red faced baby that is throwing food all over itself and its poor mother! I very much doubt the below is the TRUE face of weaning and that actually the above pic is FAR more accurate! You just know that that white vest top is going to get COVERED in whatever is on that spoon, and probably her nicely styled blonde hair too. I will be battle ready, as A said strip baby to nappy, cover in a muslin - I will tie my hair back, maybe a plastic bag tied over my hair?! Is this too much?! I may even buy some biohazard overalls ha ha!!! Then baby straight in the bath..The only "people" to love weaning Im sure will be the dogs who Im sure will be only to glad to hoover up!

SO nervous!!!! 10 +1

...Im so worried about tonight's scan at about 6pm our time, having got so used to seeing the sprout weekly, I have REALLY missed not seeing her for just under 2 weeks.  I want her heart to still be beating strong, her growth to be good, and the bleed to have GONE GONE GONE, or really shrunk... I also hope R's new Dr is nice to us. Im not entirely convinced that we understood each others accents when we met! Its Hubby's Birthday today So it better be good news, We really need that boost after the week so far, losing Harry, both our dogs being poorly and having to see the specialist in london first thing in the morning, my stupid knees thats were twisted way to far by my diagnostic rheumatologist back in may are killing again!!! They had been sooo much better(almost back to normal) since just before our holiday and have got bad again in the last couple of weeks, crutches are just useless, it just sets off the neural pain in my neck and arm and Im rubbish on them anyway, way to clumsy! They have been taped up (the knees) with lovely neon blue kinesiology tape by my lovely physio. Lucky Im not wearing mini skirts! Luckily Mr CJ's gift arrived phew!! It so heavy I cant lift it inside so hope it doesn't rain..Also hoping to get some AC sailing in tonight, hoping that NZ win so we win our bet...would be nice to get a little money back, everyone wants a piece of us today, the physio, the gardner, the plumber, the oil company,the electricity, the vets and of course a zillion surrogacy bills..*URGH* such is life...about another 3 hrs to wait....the time difference is a pain in the proverbial buttocks.

Tuesday 17 September 2013

10 weeks!!!

Whats going on in there?? :

Baby CJ is about the size of a prune but not all wrinkly despite living in fluid (why all these horrible fruits?! When can she be a mango?!)
She has fully working arm joints and her cartilage and bones are forming, her vital organs are fully developed ad starting to function. fingernails and hair is starting to grow, plus she is swallowing and kicking!!! But R wont feel that yet. Her little teeth are forming underneath her gums.


this picture is 10wks but the baby looks like an evil alien, my baby doesn't look so evil ;)
R has her scan tomorrow at 10 +1. Lets hope all is well, 2 weeks today we can tell everyone :) WHOOP WHOOP!




Monday 16 September 2013

Me Myself and I


This is ME age 34, on a good day with a little makeup on and my hair "did". I don't look like this very often, I can usually be found in a old pair of jeans or tracky bums and no makeup, Im really comfiest and happiest like that. Don't get me wrong I love getting dressed up for a wedding or party (I don't want to look a hot mess after all) but thats for special things, Hubby and friends and family see me as I am, which is a bit of a shaggy haired scruff. Im hoping to change this as I do think I really ought to be smarter now Im hopefully going to be a mummy. I think today it struck me when I looked in the mirror and I was wearing pale pink velour trackies and a bright pink jumper that I might look quite a sight! Admittedly today has been a really rubbishly sad day so I wasn't paying much attention to my "style". I like the IDEA of being a yummy mummy who blow dries her hair instead of going out with it wet, wears "no makeup" makeup and swishes up to the school gates in my finest cashmere shawl and skinnies, but realistically Im not the best in the mornings so I imagine the mummies will have to make do with the "real me" although I may TRY and not look like a piece of bugglegum at least.


Harry Dog... A sad sad day

....got an email from my mother this morning to say our beloved Harry has gone to doggy heaven. He had a great great life after being taken in by my parents after he wasn't "pretty enough" for his show-dog family. He had wonky bottom front teeth(which was actually really endearing) but other than that he was perfection, He dined in all the finest beach restaurants in portugal and was given as much love as a dog could be given.
When I would stay in portugal and we would go for walks on the beach he would always stop and turn around when I was slower and make sure I wasn't being left behind. CJ and I loved taking him for sunset strolls in his later years and collecting shells.
He was a great companion to my father whilst he had cancer, they used to snuggle up together and in some of his last hours we actually sneaked him through the window onto daddies' bed so he could say goodbye. He just lay there nuzzled in gently and we placed daddies hand on his sweet fur. I know he helped my mother in the days after he died immensely. They did a walk together for the prostate cancer charity.

We discovered he could "sing" when my father made a "hunting call" when he couldn't find Harry one day and he answered back!!! You could "howl" and he would copy you. I am really trying to get Roo to do this as he howls at sirens etc...It would be great if he howled back at US!!! Tyler is Harry's nephew so he lives on in dear old Tyler now..He too is getting old mind you at nearly ten...




RIP Harry Dog AKA The Snuggly dog, cat chaser and gecko hunter supreme...I use the term gecko hunter loosely as I don't believe he ever caught one...despite his valiant efforts at his "gecko bush"

Friday 13 September 2013

Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter

There are some serious haters on the world wide web, people who clearly feel like what we are doing is wrong. Thank goodness I have soo much LOVE around, don't get me wrong it cuts like a knife sometimes, but 99.9% of feedback is super positive. I know we will be fab parents purely as we have so much love to give, I know and my agency knows and my lawyers know and my surro knows we aren't exploiting her and how grateful I am. My surro knows Im a worrier, you don't get to this point in your adventure to be a family without having gone through some serious heartbreak baby wise. So the pregnancy is UBER precious and sometimes we can get overly protective about babyCJ. But Im also considered to be a caring person by people in general so when you get people who don't know you judging you it's hurtful BUT..thats the point they DON'T know! M and I know our hearts and where we stand, so do our family and all our dear friends, my Dr's. So really NOBODY else matters!! I cant wait till this baby is in my arms and MINE and nobody can say or do anything to hurt me. I will be just like any other mummy. Right now its so hard her not being in MY tummy and so far away. But Ive dealt with Far worse challenges than this.. I can cope...Nobody ever said Surrogacy would be a bed of roses....but in general its been a fabulous journey so far :)

PROPS to the BABY CJ "CREW" you know who you all are...

MY Great Grans Dressing up fantabulousness

When I was 7 my Great Gran gave me the BEST present a little girl could want, a whole stash of dressing up clothes, bridal, peasant, fairy dresses everything you could possibly want all beautifully made. Not the cheap tat you get these days, crystals and sequins and silks...wondrous things.. My friend Lizzie and I would play for hours in my family's beautiful garden prancing about in the 2 fairy costumes I think mostly. I WISH WISH we still had those dresses but unfortunately they were lent to my cousins who have over time lost them I think....They were such wonderful costumes and I remember still squeezing myself into them until they no longer fit me at all! One I wore to the Lord Mayor of London's ball! My great Gran died when I was about 9, I don't remember a huge deal about her other than that she was very very cool, and seemed to not give a toss what people thought of her, She liked to sing ALOT, she was uber glamourous and very generous, She often treated me to days out in london and we always took taxis as she "didn't do public transport" and in those taxis I was made to sing "doing the lambeth walk" and had to do the "oi" VERY loudly which would send her into fits of giggles. She also smelt nice....and thats pretty much all I can remember.

In my "treasure box" I do still have one of the sequin purses that went with one outfit, most of the sequins have fallen off but its all I have left of those costumes and its pretty precious.

Wish she could see her Great Great Granddaughter....

Wednesday 11 September 2013

Book throwbacks!!!

I cant wait to buy books for someone not myself!!!! Hubby doesn't read (the heathen)
I was thinking about books I loved as a child...Im sure I've forgotten MANY!

THE VELVETEEN RABBIT
ALL THE BEATRIX POTTERS
BFG
MATILDA
THE TWITS
GEORGE'S MARVELLOUS MEDICINE
MALLORY TOWERS SERIES
FAMOUS FIVE SERIES (BEST EVER WAS FAMOUS 5 GO TO SMUGGLERS ROCK)
SWALLOWS AND AMAZONS
LORD OF THE RINGS/THE HOBBIT(have them)
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA
THE WORST WITCH SERIES
JILL'S PONY (?) SERIES
RAINBOW BRIGHT
STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE
THE HUNGRY CATERPILLAR
HAIRY MCLARY
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
THE SNOWMAN
MEG AND MOG
JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH
ALL THE LADYBIRD BOOKS LIKE CINDERELLA(STILL HAVE!) SNOW WHITE (STILL HAVE!) THE ELVES AND THE SHOEMAKER...ohhhhhhhh LOVED that...
THE GIRAFFE THE PELLY AND ME
CHARLOTTES WEB
ANGELINA BALLERINA
THE SECRET GARDEN
THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS
THE WITCHES...
ASTERIX AND OBELIX SERIES (got a few!)
THE FARAWAY TREE.
MILLY MOLLY MANDY
THE LAST SLICE OF RAINBOW
THE GARDEN GANG
WINNIE THE POOH
PADDINGTON BEAR.
ST CLAIRES SERIES
THE NAUGHTIEST GIRL IN THE SCHOOL AND THE NAUGHTIEST GIRL IN THE SCHOOL IS A MONITOR
anything by HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSON AND THE BROTHERS GRIMM
I used to find Dr Zeuss a bit Scary!!!


Milly Molly Mandy's Bedroom reminded me of my childhood bedroom


I will read:
HARRY POTTER SERIES (HAVE THEM ALL)
ROOM ON A BROOM
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU
THE GRUFFALLO AND THE GRUFFALOS CHILD

On DVD:
THE SLIPPER AND THE ROSE (bought, made MR CJ watch it)
ALL THE DISNEY CLASSICS

I wish I could find willow the whisp!!!!!



here's EVIL EDNA!!!!


Tuesday 10 September 2013

Mr CJ's Psychic prediction..ps the loser does the first nappy!

Clearly it is impossible to beat my wife's psychic powers, but here goes....
I'll go for April 7th (tactical) at 3pm
I've no idea how much a baby weighs - I'll go for 7.1 pounds
I think she'll have brown hair and brown eyes
I think it will be windy and snowing - when we went to Chicago (the windy city) in May the weather was nice, but they said it had been snowing just a couple of weeks earlier
For the birth, I'm not a massive fan of hospitals or blood, so to start with I'll be just trying to not think about that, and hopefully the excitement/worry will distract me!
I'm sure the 1st night we'll spend most of the time just looking at her and trying to work out what we are supposed to do when we are let out on our own!

Remembering 9/11.......

It's September 11th 2013 tomorrow , 12 years after those vile creatures called terrorists attacked the USA.
I remember that day very clearly M was sailing and I was siting in the back of his boat in a very big puddle, when the towers fell. As we arrived on shore our friend Dave told us that someone had been assassinated in NYC, we assumed at first a celebrity (Im not sure why) We rushed back to the house and turned on the TV, there was about 8 of us, and what we saw was not what we expected, scenes of unimaginable horror. I remember feeling that it was like watching an action movie like" Diehard" or something that should have had Bruce Willis in, shouting a lot and saving people...We watched the towers fall again and again, the planes smashing into them again and again, people jumping, the ash and debris cloud over Manhattan....I felt so drained just from watching the TV... God only knows how the poor people dealing with it all felt, that night M and I hugged each other VERY tight.
M had flown back over the towers 2 days earlier from NYC, I don't think I could have coped with the worry if he had been in NYC that day.

Over the last 12 years more and more stories emerge of bravery and courage, they NEVER fail to move me to tears. The firefighters, The police, The rescue teams, The air traffic controllers, The families, The forensic teams....The survivors.

We actually visited NYC about 6 weeks after the attacks and found a very sombre yet defiant city. We took a respect "trip" down as close as we could get to ground zero. We got about a block away and could make out the twisted remnants of the WTC. I remember EVERYTHING covered in ash, and a horrid pungent smell, a sweet sickly smell of what could only be decaying human remains that I will NEVER forget. It was incredibly moving being down there, Firefighters at work looking for lost "brothers", the atmosphere was as you would imagine very emotionally charged, some japanese tourists where filming on their hand held video cameras and being a bit too obvious and overexcite-able  in their filming, not being very quiet and reflective like most people standing around... and suddenly a burly and filthy dirty firefighter came hurtling out of the wreckage over to them and yelled "DONT'CHA HAVE NO RESPECT? WE GOT FAMILY IN HERE". I will NEVER forget those words either. I too felt embarrassed and almost ashamed to be down there but we had come to pay our respects, we felt we needed too as we were in the city. And so many people lost their lives from all countries.
There were small memorials and candles and "missing" posters all around, again that night M and I held on tight to each other....I remember shuddering inside at the thought of having to ever make a memorial or a missing poster like that for M or someone else I loved.

I have literally just watched a documentary on "Ladder 10" the closest firehouse to the WTC, where they were often teased as they missed out on all the major fires- having it "easy" down by the WTC, One of the firefighters from this house remarked to a friend in another "ladder" that he would " See him at the big one". The big one came on 9/11. These men were some of the first in and a fair few amongst the many who perished trying to save others. The house still stands today when MANY other surrounding buildings didn't survive and is a working station yet also a living memorial to those brave men.

We all often laugh at or criticise the "yanks" for their chants of "USA" "USA" at almost anything, but Im certain that American "thing" got the city through those dark days.

In May whilst "creating" Baby CJ we stopped off in NYC again, and decided to head down to the memorial at ground zero. It was so beautiful and peaceful, a COMPLETELY different place to 12 years ago. I honestly don't think a better memorial could have been designed. The infinity waterfalls in the footprints of the towers, with all those names etched on in gold...The new trees planted intended in years to come to be a peaceful haven. Also the "Survivor tree" which somehow against all odds made it through all the carnage around it.

We also went to the 9/11 workshop, I can heartily recommend this to anyone in NYC. It was created by the only official photographer allowed into ground zero. He has made a small "museum" from his work and artefacts from the sites. It was all tastefully and respectfully done and is approved by the families. Sometimes it is closed specifically for family members to remember loved ones. We held pieces of glass from windows, Steel that was carved into crosses and Stars of David for family members, You could photograph what you liked but we just didn't feel the need or want too. The only thing they asked you not to photo or touch was a piece of one of the planes that flew in to the towers. They told us a tiny piece had been cut off for a man who had lost his wife on that plane, and that he had hugged and held this large chunk of bashed up metal as he wept, as it was all he had left of his wife. SO very sad.

http://www.groundzeromuseumworkshop.com/

http://www.fdnytenhouse.com/



THE MEMORIAL AT GROUND ZERO







THE "SURVIVOR" TREE AND ME





What I think Baby CJ will look like/ be like...my psychic predictions if you will.....

We will do the same for Mr CJ later....It will be fun to look back and see who was right...


I think....Baby CJ will be born on the 8th of april about 11am. I think it will be raining that day.
She will have quite a full head of dark hair and be about 71bs. I think she will come out screaming :)
I think mummy will cry and daddy will say he's going to faint about 3-4 times but not actually do it.
Mummy will not sleep all the first night as she will be staring at baby in wonder, Daddy will tell mummy to go to sleep around 1am but she won't be able too...He will also be saying" go to sleep" but also be staring at baby, I think it will be 5 more minutes then we will put her down...5 more...5 more!

I think she will eventually have blue eyes like mummy but lovely long eyelashes like daddy....and curly-ish thick brown hair. Be quite short maybe 5.5/5.6 and slim build with medium skin tone.

I think she will love the water and the sea.

9 weeks- whats going on in there? OFFICIALLY a FETUS

There wont be a scan this week as R dr is away...but next week on M's birthday the 18th at 10 +1 weeks we will see baby CJ again. HOPEFULLY she will be doing great as ever and the bleed will be gone, or ALOT smaller...

Anyways, this week.... This week the baby looks like a green olive- well that size. She now has eyelids completely covering her eyes but they are fused and wont open till week 26. She now has teeny tiny earlobes....which I cant wait to stroke when I read her a bedtime story... In fact she now is getting much more of a human face....ALL the essential body parts are now accounted for though they all need MUCH fine tuning of course. Fingers and toes are now clear to see. The placenta has formed enough now to give nutrients and start to get rid of waste. The brain is now 4x the size it was at 6 weeks :) According to my ticker hair is about to start...Will she get the crazy curls?! I think a little girl with a 'fro could be kinda cute :)


Our little Embie is now no longer an embryo, she is officially today now a fetus :) SO 9 weeks is a crucial milestone to have made.







Monday 9 September 2013

Bought a doppler :)

Ordered a doppler for R to use so she can hear baby CJ after 10 wks (next week!!) also so WE can hear it!! It has 2 CD's so you can record babies heartbeat which would be cool for R to send us and also WE can record MY heartbeat on to play to BABY CJ so she knows who we are!!!
Pretty cheap tool for peace of mind... Although sometimes before 16 wks you can pick up the carrier HB by accident....hmmm. Im also going to send some pregnancy recipe books I had to R incase she fancies something new to try that might make her feel good and baby grow even stronger and Zita West's alternative therapy book for any ailments R might have...Also some treats just for her...

Im sleeping REALLY badly at the moment, horrible nightmares and night sweats which Is not ideal to say the least. Im trying to keep super busy, which is not too hard as the dogs have some skin thing so I seem to be living at the vet surgery and washing everything they touch. Which means Im not doing my own washing which means its piling up...oh the whines of the housewife.

Had a really snuggly day with Hubby yesterday as was feeling pretty tired and down in the dumps (worrying about baby CJ and dogs and my stupid knee) Mr CJ suggested monopoly (I think because I normally beat him) to cheer me up but I lost horrendously after some really dumb moves and letting him buy all the stations!!! The score is now 5-2, So I am still winning, for those that think monopoly is boring we think its ACE as we have added some of our own rules. It's no holds barred when we play, We have played a game for 3.5 hrs once and to 1.30am ...and on a SCHOOL NIGHT!!!! Rock and Roll lifestyle people...Rock and Roll.....

The heating is now on, in part as I have the body temperature control of an old lady and also in part that winter has suddenly arrived- note to self- order more oil and logs and put the Aga back on...Its quite exciting to think the next time its really hot baby CJ should be here!! Speaking of dates to remember Mr CJ's b'day is soon and I must find him a gift,  In case his mummy is reading this... NO....HE DOES NOT WANT ANY SHIRTS!!! He would quite like that Musto jumper!!

Also came home today from the vets from a GORGEOUS bouquet of flowers from Olly , M's best man (and his fiancee- who probably sorted it out) So thoughtful :)

Sunday 8 September 2013

In a GRUMP :(

Im in a bad mood....Summer is over...Its pouring with rain, Im worrying about this bleed....Im taking a day off from blogging and going to snuggle the husband .

Saturday 7 September 2013

MY HERO-TO BE? Dr Harvey Karp

This man is totally amazeballs, just watched the dvd "the happiest baby on the block" and WOW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_64-LbhT3M

He seems to be a magician baby whisperer!! Working on the basis that life in the womb is noisy/jiggly and compact he works on the 5 S's. Swaddling, Side, Shushing, Swinging and then Sucking.

He says imagine the first 3 months of the baby's life is like the "4th trimester". They really are foetuses' for the first 3 months.

I have a confession I sleep with a fan whirring every night summer or winter and this is because its comforting, Wayne Rooney sleeps with a recording of a hoover on. Not that I really like comparing myself to him... Its comforting because thats what its like in the womb!!

Harvey is a board certified Paediatrician not some random styling themselves as a baby whisperer.


Another couple of things I will most definitely be doing is baby massage and also cranial osteopathy, In fact as soon as Baby CJ is back in the UK, she will be going for a check up at my chiropractor who does newborn baby checks free for charity. Cranial osteopathy can really help a baby when they have colic especially if you have had forceps delivery.

Oh and also "Little Dippers" My best friend is doing this with her son and they have a whale of a time!

Venturing into the garage loft, The America's cup and other musings...

....Is something I NEVER do, firstly I just hate climbing the creaky ladder but mostly it is just so minging up there....However I had a VERY important mission...to find my baby books from years back, that had been stored away on the off chance we were able to do what we are doing now. After much searching and squealing at spiders webs and other nasties I found what I was looking for, of course I nearly fell backwards out of the loft hatch but thats pretty par for the course for me as I am extremely clumsy. What I discovered was a great book "what to expect when your'e expecting" which will allow me to follow baby CJ's progress better and 4984958795793857 baby books mostly based on how to get your baby to SLEEP! ha ha!!! It was quite an exciting haul to find, a bit like discovering lost treasure! I must have spent a small fortune on amazon 3 years ago.
Mr CJ and I are also going to go to the baby show in october as R will be about 15 wks by then safe enough I hope to at least window shop and grab any freebies going :) I don't think I have ever seen a man quite so excited about a baby show!

Im fretting about waiting until the 18th for our next scan, it seems sooooo long to wait and also its hubby's birthday and if its bad news thats his birthday ruined for ever..But on the positive if its GOOD news then it will make a fabulous birthday. Of course in" WTEWYAE"  right next to Hyperemesis Gravidarum in the "complicated pregnancy" section was our "special" bleed....OF COURSE it was... our babies like to cause havoc. Also VERY MUCH  ever so slightly freaking out about the amount of bills coming in to do with this surrogacy, we really need to go through it all properly. Im going to make it a mission to go through it all and sort it all out next week. At the moment the boys have been in charge (which is less stressful for me) but I think I need a quick peak..

Its the America's Cup today/tonight...SUPER excited for that COME ON NEW ZEALAND!!!!!!
M and I were chatting in bed this morning watching really boring   highly entertaining re-runs of the last cup and we both started wondering if baby CJ will be a good sailor like her daddy/uncle and both grandpa's. Then we chuckled about how fun it would be to have a good female sailor CJ. Which led onto how competitive it will be between M and his brother P if they both have kids sailing....I can only imagine....Im hoping that baby CJ will also like coming with me to the tower of london and hampton court and also seeing plays and musicals. Mind you she may not be interested in any of the things we are which will also be just fine. Just so long as she NEVER expects me to be able to help with maths homework then we are pretty cool....Or help teach her how to park.

Friday 6 September 2013

Next Appointment....

....September 16th at 3.45 and then hopefully scan the 18th around noonish (Chicago time)

SO sad we cant check up on this bleed sooner but "It is what it is". Lets hope its good news.....Going to be worrying for 12 sleeps *URGH* We shall then try and insist on weekly scans until bleed gone -The wait is as R's dr is away....Apparently no one else can do it, Also FCI wont do an additional one which is disappointing. SO....We wait....Keep on re-playing the Video again and again to see sprout wiggling....such a lovely thing...Finding myself daydreaming of Christmas, and easter egg hunts and Halloween parties and Jelly and ice-cream. Sewing name tags on new school uniforms.....Well you get the point!

Thursday 5 September 2013

Us and our agency PEEPS

Here is us and our agency ladies (bottom one minus Nancy who was taking the pic)

They took us for Chicago Pizza.
Me, Nancy, Jan, Susan and Mr CJ




Some good some bad 8 +2.

ok......SO the GOOD NEWS first, we saw the scan today YIPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! and we filmed it too. BABYCJ was AWESOME she looks actually baby like now! amazing what a week can do.....GREAT heartbeat at 167bpm and great growth. Saw the little heart pulsing away....JOYOUS!!!

BUT....BIG BIG BUT......

The bleed is still there and MASSIVE takes up about half her womb!!!! Also situated behind the placenta which is BAD. This really NEEDS to go away ASAP. The longer its there the more likely baby is to detach and basically die.....OMFG. It was no smaller :(

FCI are discharging her which is far from ideal but "just what they do". R now in the hands of HER OBYGN. Who on the positive has delivered 2 of R's amazing babies and also plenty of other babies BUT never a surrogacy pregnancy before...FCI are still advising pelvic rest (poor R she will be HATING me now) but IF HER dr says its fine she doesn't have to as its up to him now...which is kind of crazy. Although I know she has our best interests at heart.
Also if its still there AND baby at a later stage it can cause a host of OTHER complications including preterm labour etc.....

What we want - and the agency feel it is best- that this is a continued weekly scan until the bleed has gone so we can keep track of it for peace of mind so instead of waiting till 12 wks or whenever they would NORMALLY next scan (maybe even later!) we want to know how its going, because if its gone then we would be worrying for no reason!!!! Im feeling VERY in limbo and wont rest until we have a PLAN. IE the plan we want as the babies parents. Hopefully this wont be an issue...HOPEFULLY.

Nancy at CEO was AMAZING today, Thanks so much to her for being there and being so supportive.
Will post a scan pic when it arrives :) Im also hoping to skype with R later to tell her all this and see how she's doing.

We are going to TRY and focus that Baby CJ is doing well, but its worrying for both of us and Im sure R too...


Wednesday 4 September 2013

And just when you feel shitty...from my 13 yr old niece ....LOVE her


- CJ will be a good daddy, because he is very fun to play with (xbox dj ipad thing and pool sports!) he is also very soft and caring and does like to cuddle.
- Why G will be a good mummy, because you like to cuddle and dont mind having a movie fest all day!! you are very caring!!
- Well, i don't really know what to write for this about what i would like to teach my cousin. But i know i would always care for her and play with her!!
- I don't really think either of you could be strict!! so both of you would be as soppy as each other!!!!!
LOVE YOU!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji


Love that girl heaps and tons, See what I mean about Mr CJ being more fun!! "don't mind a movie -fest" I bloomin LOVE a movie fest, bring out the chocolate!! One good thing (well one OF the good things) about houses with children in is heaps of movies and chocolate, he he. And if the movie is scary you can grab hold of one of the kids for protection ;)

Being kind to yourself and other things...

Sometimes this is very hard to do...I wonder why? I've been up all night worrying about this bleed.
The internet is amazing but sometimes it just makes you feel worse. I cant think or do anything until this scan tomorrow at 3.30pm our time, I just want baby CJ to be ok AND for the bleed to go...If it doesn't go soon the baby detaches. I have ZERO control. ZERO...and I don't like having ZERO control. I want  to keep busy but all I can do is SIT and drink tea. And WORRY. The dogs know something is up..funny how they just know... I am going to FORCE myself to have a shower, something to eat, take the dogs out and maybe try and find a nice film or sit and read in the garden. I seem to have compiled a list a mile high of things I MUST do today when really they can all wait until friday. Mr CJ is working from home tomorrow so at least he will be here. I have even gone so far as to think I might pop over to the church and pray.  I really cant lose another baby. I feel so attached to this little kidney bean shaped blob already, knowing its a girl makes her seem more "alive". I hope she knows how much she is loved, how many people are excited to meet her....I mean this could ALL be ok....we just don't know...the bleed in the uterus is pretty big by all accounts and not in a good place. The risk of a MC is about 15% now. R is on pelvic rest, Im hoping she is being as "resty" as she can...Again I have no control over this, it not being MY body.
R is discharged from FCI tomorrow whatever happens as really they will have done their bit and its now her OBYGN who takes over. I asked Dr K about more scans and he said that basically if she is going to lose it she will lose it (but in kinder words) and a scan doesn't make any difference, however Mr CJ and I feel that we would rather keep scanning because if the clot HAS GONE we can rest easy (or easier) and not worry ourselves sick for another month until the 12 wk scan....And if the clot does do its worst then we can prepare ourselves, instead of the shock for us AND R if we scan at 12 wks and baby is either gone or still there but no little heart beating. I am trying to get hold of FCI to tell them this and see what can be done. Mind you its 4.40am in Chicago so I will be waiting a while...urgh time difference!!!!

One of my best friends E says break the day into chunks and reward yourself every step you do...She is such a good friend to me, love her to bits.

On a positive note hoping that this all goes well, Godparents are chosen :) I have kind of been a bit demanding and got more of my friends than Mr CJs (well actually 4-1) but he doesn't mind at all and in fact  agreed that - no offence to them but they would make pretty rubbish Godparents! The ones we have chosen I look up to for various reasons, kindness, how they have been there for us, fun, and a good influence!

Tuesday 3 September 2013

Subchorionic bleed- Please pray it goes away..

So just spoke to the lovely Dr K...R's bleed is still there but basically we are hoping it will go away, I hope its not there on thursday's scan!!!! Worst case if it stays the baby detaches from the uterus and she miscarries :( but in 90% of cases this is ok and will go away in 1-2 weeks.... Basically we don't want to see the word SUBCHORIONIC  on any more scans....its mainly a first trimester issue. Another reason why Im staying UBER cautious for another 4 weeks....Theres nothing you or a dr can do about this really other than pelvic rest, no heavy lifting and rest.

On a more positive note he congratulated me on 8 weeks today and said BabyCJ is looking "beautiful". Of course she is- she is MY daughter.

TODAY is the furthest we have EVER got :) 8 weeks today- whats going on in there?


Baby CJ is the size of a kidney bean- I dont like Kidney beans in general I tend to pick them out of a a chilli con carne- But this little kidney bean I do like :)
She has webbed fingers and toes and ickle hands and feet, she now has breathing tubes conecting to her lungs and her "tail" has nearly gone (phew) In her brain primitive neural tubes are forming, her bits havent developed yet but ovaries are starting to grow (they are "gonads" that turn into balls or ovaries!) Amniotic fluid is increasing by two tablespoons a week to accomodate r's tenant. Her intenstines are bulging out of her tummy and into the umbilical cord until 12 wks. Hardening of the bones is starting, so much calcium and folic acid needed.....Major milestone for us...keep growing sprout!!!











Monday 2 September 2013

From a mummy in law's perspective


A wonderful brave couple

From the moment M and G first met they have loved and supported each other through thick and thin. All life has thrown at them, including situations which would cause other relationships to flounder, have only brought them closer together. 

M and G have wanted to be parents for so long and have been through so many traumas in their quest to become parents.

The struggles through G’s life threatening pregnancies, which only lasted a short time, have made them stronger as a couple.  The realisation that she could not carry her own child was a very tough blow for both M and G. G has worked hard to understand and cope with these experiences seeking counselling to help her understand their losses. 

The subsequent journey to find a surrogate has been an amazing adventure - be it somewhat of a rollercoaster ride – the 2 week wait was particularly difficult; but here they are on the cusp of a very special time.

They are so ready for this experience and will both make wonderful parents. I am very proud of my son M and equally proud of G who is like a daughter to me and I love them both very very much

The Dog babies....

Tyler is 10, he is so funny , he is greedy and a little bit fat so is on a diet, he is so faithful and adoring, he has a bit of arthritis so I'm looking into acupuncture. He loves swimming too....Roo is 2 and is not greedy in fact he doesn't really like food! he is full of beans, howls at the phone, ambulances and the ice cream van bell. Both dogs were the runts of the pack, yes I'm a sucker.....Both dogs love cuddling, Rufus likes escaping... They both need more training to be around a baby/ v small child...I've been advised to play you tube videos of babies crying/screaming/gurgling and to also carry around a baby doll and establish "boundaries" this will feel weird but Im going to do it..Im less keen on my plan to practice them walking nicely with the pram..when we get it say around xmas I plan to practice walking locally on the lead with the pram...I hope nobody see's me as I will look like a "crazy baby lady" if anyone peaks in!!!!


they are "frenemies" which means friends and enemies...like U2 sang "I cant live...with or without you"

why I love Mr CJ sooooo and why he will be an awesome daddy

I met my husband on the 24 august 2000. I remember the day like it was yesterday...I have never seen someone I fancy SO much in my life!!! He had a girlfriend and so did I...oops...
it was love at first sight however cheesy that may sound. I remember the first time we kissed it was like I was on FIRE!!!! And 13 yrs later he still makes me feel this way, unless he has come home drunk from a rare work night out or some party and smells like a brewery- then he is banished to the spare room ha! Luckily he is one of the people who drink the least that I know so this is a rarity! We had a long distance relationship as we were both at uni at opposite ends of the uk. But after we had finished at the end of 2001 we were insperable. I still cry when he goes on business trips..sad I know, and I count down the "sleeps". He is my BEST friend in the whole world, he makes me laugh, he likes all the same things as me, food, music, films and that is great! He is also super hot which helps! and for some reason he thinks Im super hot too which always helps :)
He is a good balance for me too, I get anxious alot and worry about everything and everyone and he to be honest is a bit too laid back, so he calms me down and I give him a boot up the butt....

Why do I think he will be a great father? Well seeing him with our nieces and nephews says it all, they just love him to bits and he loves them. He is kind and patient and understanding (hes had practice with all my foibles over the years after all) but he is not a pushover and will be better at discipline than me..Im a sucker for tears where he isnt! He also comes from a family where you are encouraged to be good at things ( he and his brother are pretty good at everything) He is more sporty and science/maths orientated whereas Im more creative and into history and reading so hopefully our child will be pretty well rounded. He also loves a good snuggle so who doesnt like that?!
her is a picture of him doing being "bundled"by some nieces and nephews!!! BLESS...

I cant WAIT to see him with babycj :)

Sunday 1 September 2013

The 2 week wait

has to be the worst time ever!!! This is the time from transfer to pregnancy confirmation. THe IVF clinic have done all they can and  there is nothing to do but wait.....its somehow worse when you know the gender as it personalises it that bit more..I think I drove R crazy every day.."do you feel pregnant"..."Can you do a test".....When I was trying myself, I spent a small fortune in tests and tested from about 5 days post ovulation....the earliest I got a positive was 10dpo. R wouldn't test, and you cant force someone to pee!!! Especially if they live the other side of the world. She did eventually give in and there was a vvv faint line, which D couldn't see and she said we wouldn't either, it was on a blue dye test which are notorious for false positives. We agreed to re-test on the tuesday morning again the 6 august, SURELY then there would be a stronger line if she was "up the duff"....NOPE, cue many tears and much moping from yours truly. She HAD told me she hadn't got a + with HER 2 kiddos but that didn't convince me...however much I google searched!! However overnight a fresh calm came over me and I was convinced it had worked despite all the odds...and at about 7pm on 8 August 2013 we got a call saying R was PREGNANT!!! THRILLED doesn't even cover it!!! We had prayed, we had done white magic, I was wearing "lucky bracelets"and SOMETHING had worked! We had some champagne and told our nearest and dearest.

The 2WW is HELL...no sleep, worry worry, hopes up, hopes down annnnnd repeat 24 hrs a day. And baby being in another ladies body you cant read anything into anything, you cant pee on sticks , you cant analyse your body for symptoms..NOTHING, keeping busy works to a point but then night comes and its just worry. BUT it passes soon enough....It would have been devastating if it hadn't worked, it really was about 50-60% as we only transferred 1 embie, it would have been 70% + if we had done more but we wanted 1. THANK God it worked first time, we were very very lucky indeed....  And as it transpires some ladies just don't excrete HCG (pregnancy hormone) they need it to show up in blood tests only!

I wondered how the IVF clinic divvy up the calls of good and bad news? Do they pick straws? alternate one good with one bad, get all the bad ones out the way and end on a positive note? That night I prayed that all those who had sad news would get lucky next time.