Venturing into the garage loft, The America's cup and other musings...

....Is something I NEVER do, firstly I just hate climbing the creaky ladder but mostly it is just so minging up there....However I had a VERY important mission...to find my baby books from years back, that had been stored away on the off chance we were able to do what we are doing now. After much searching and squealing at spiders webs and other nasties I found what I was looking for, of course I nearly fell backwards out of the loft hatch but thats pretty par for the course for me as I am extremely clumsy. What I discovered was a great book "what to expect when your'e expecting" which will allow me to follow baby CJ's progress better and 4984958795793857 baby books mostly based on how to get your baby to SLEEP! ha ha!!! It was quite an exciting haul to find, a bit like discovering lost treasure! I must have spent a small fortune on amazon 3 years ago.
Mr CJ and I are also going to go to the baby show in october as R will be about 15 wks by then safe enough I hope to at least window shop and grab any freebies going :) I don't think I have ever seen a man quite so excited about a baby show!

Im fretting about waiting until the 18th for our next scan, it seems sooooo long to wait and also its hubby's birthday and if its bad news thats his birthday ruined for ever..But on the positive if its GOOD news then it will make a fabulous birthday. Of course in" WTEWYAE"  right next to Hyperemesis Gravidarum in the "complicated pregnancy" section was our "special" bleed....OF COURSE it was... our babies like to cause havoc. Also VERY MUCH  ever so slightly freaking out about the amount of bills coming in to do with this surrogacy, we really need to go through it all properly. Im going to make it a mission to go through it all and sort it all out next week. At the moment the boys have been in charge (which is less stressful for me) but I think I need a quick peak..

Its the America's Cup today/tonight...SUPER excited for that COME ON NEW ZEALAND!!!!!!
M and I were chatting in bed this morning watching really boring   highly entertaining re-runs of the last cup and we both started wondering if baby CJ will be a good sailor like her daddy/uncle and both grandpa's. Then we chuckled about how fun it would be to have a good female sailor CJ. Which led onto how competitive it will be between M and his brother P if they both have kids sailing....I can only imagine....Im hoping that baby CJ will also like coming with me to the tower of london and hampton court and also seeing plays and musicals. Mind you she may not be interested in any of the things we are which will also be just fine. Just so long as she NEVER expects me to be able to help with maths homework then we are pretty cool....Or help teach her how to park.

Next Appointment....

....September 16th at 3.45 and then hopefully scan the 18th around noonish (Chicago time)

SO sad we cant check up on this bleed sooner but "It is what it is". Lets hope its good news.....Going to be worrying for 12 sleeps *URGH* We shall then try and insist on weekly scans until bleed gone -The wait is as R's dr is away....Apparently no one else can do it, Also FCI wont do an additional one which is disappointing. SO....We wait....Keep on re-playing the Video again and again to see sprout wiggling....such a lovely thing...Finding myself daydreaming of Christmas, and easter egg hunts and Halloween parties and Jelly and ice-cream. Sewing name tags on new school uniforms.....Well you get the point!

Us and our agency PEEPS

Here is us and our agency ladies (bottom one minus Nancy who was taking the pic)

They took us for Chicago Pizza.

Me, Nancy, Jan, Susan and Mr CJ

Some good some bad 8 +2.

ok......SO the GOOD NEWS first, we saw the scan today YIPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! and we filmed it too. BABYCJ was AWESOME she looks actually baby like now! amazing what a week can do.....GREAT heartbeat at 167bpm and great growth. Saw the little heart pulsing away....JOYOUS!!!

BUT....BIG BIG BUT......

The bleed is still there and MASSIVE takes up about half her womb!!!! Also situated behind the placenta which is BAD. This really NEEDS to go away ASAP. The longer its there the more likely baby is to detach and basically die.....OMFG. It was no smaller :(

FCI are discharging her which is far from ideal but "just what they do". R now in the hands of HER OBYGN. Who on the positive has delivered 2 of R's amazing babies and also plenty of other babies BUT never a surrogacy pregnancy before...FCI are still advising pelvic rest (poor R she will be HATING me now) but IF HER dr says its fine she doesn't have to as its up to him now...which is kind of crazy. Although I know she has our best interests at heart.
Also if its still there AND baby at a later stage it can cause a host of OTHER complications including preterm labour etc.....

What we want - and the agency feel it is best- that this is a continued weekly scan until the bleed has gone so we can keep track of it for peace of mind so instead of waiting till 12 wks or whenever they would NORMALLY next scan (maybe even later!) we want to know how its going, because if its gone then we would be worrying for no reason!!!! Im feeling VERY in limbo and wont rest until we have a PLAN. IE the plan we want as the babies parents. Hopefully this wont be an issue...HOPEFULLY.

Nancy at CEO was AMAZING today, Thanks so much to her for being there and being so supportive.
Will post a scan pic when it arrives :) Im also hoping to skype with R later to tell her all this and see how she's doing.

We are going to TRY and focus that Baby CJ is doing well, but its worrying for both of us and Im sure R too...

And just when you feel shitty...from my 13 yr old niece ....LOVE her

- CJ will be a good daddy, because he is very fun to play with (xbox dj ipad thing and pool sports!) he is also very soft and caring and does like to cuddle.

- Why G will be a good mummy, because you like to cuddle and dont mind having a movie fest all day!! you are very caring!!

- Well, i don't really know what to write for this about what i would like to teach my cousin. But i know i would always care for her and play with her!!

- I don't really think either of you could be strict!! so both of you would be as soppy as each other!!!!!
LOVE YOU!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Love that girl heaps and tons, See what I mean about Mr CJ being more fun!! "don't mind a movie -fest" I bloomin LOVE a movie fest, bring out the chocolate!! One good thing (well one OF the good things) about houses with children in is heaps of movies and chocolate, he he. And if the movie is scary you can grab hold of one of the kids for protection ;)

Being kind to yourself and other things...

Sometimes this is very hard to do...I wonder why? I've been up all night worrying about this bleed.
The internet is amazing but sometimes it just makes you feel worse. I cant think or do anything until this scan tomorrow at 3.30pm our time, I just want baby CJ to be ok AND for the bleed to go...If it doesn't go soon the baby detaches. I have ZERO control. ZERO...and I don't like having ZERO control. I want  to keep busy but all I can do is SIT and drink tea. And WORRY. The dogs know something is up..funny how they just know... I am going to FORCE myself to have a shower, something to eat, take the dogs out and maybe try and find a nice film or sit and read in the garden. I seem to have compiled a list a mile high of things I MUST do today when really they can all wait until friday. Mr CJ is working from home tomorrow so at least he will be here. I have even gone so far as to think I might pop over to the church and pray.  I really cant lose another baby. I feel so attached to this little kidney bean shaped blob already, knowing its a girl makes her seem more "alive". I hope she knows how much she is loved, how many people are excited to meet her....I mean this could ALL be ok....we just don't know...the bleed in the uterus is pretty big by all accounts and not in a good place. The risk of a MC is about 15% now. R is on pelvic rest, Im hoping she is being as "resty" as she can...Again I have no control over this, it not being MY body.
R is discharged from FCI tomorrow whatever happens as really they will have done their bit and its now her OBYGN who takes over. I asked Dr K about more scans and he said that basically if she is going to lose it she will lose it (but in kinder words) and a scan doesn't make any difference, however Mr CJ and I feel that we would rather keep scanning because if the clot HAS GONE we can rest easy (or easier) and not worry ourselves sick for another month until the 12 wk scan....And if the clot does do its worst then we can prepare ourselves, instead of the shock for us AND R if we scan at 12 wks and baby is either gone or still there but no little heart beating. I am trying to get hold of FCI to tell them this and see what can be done. Mind you its 4.40am in Chicago so I will be waiting a while...urgh time difference!!!!

One of my best friends E says break the day into chunks and reward yourself every step you do...She is such a good friend to me, love her to bits.

On a positive note hoping that this all goes well, Godparents are chosen :) I have kind of been a bit demanding and got more of my friends than Mr CJs (well actually 4-1) but he doesn't mind at all and in fact  agreed that - no offence to them but they would make pretty rubbish Godparents! The ones we have chosen I look up to for various reasons, kindness, how they have been there for us, fun, and a good influence!

Subchorionic bleed- Please pray it goes away..

So just spoke to the lovely Dr K...R's bleed is still there but basically we are hoping it will go away, I hope its not there on thursday's scan!!!! Worst case if it stays the baby detaches from the uterus and she miscarries :( but in 90% of cases this is ok and will go away in 1-2 weeks.... Basically we don't want to see the word SUBCHORIONIC  on any more scans....its mainly a first trimester issue. Another reason why Im staying UBER cautious for another 4 weeks....Theres nothing you or a dr can do about this really other than pelvic rest, no heavy lifting and rest.

On a more positive note he congratulated me on 8 weeks today and said BabyCJ is looking "beautiful". Of course she is- she is MY daughter.