Missing MY daddy...

US

MR CJ AND I ON OUR WEDDING DAY IN 2002



AND US ON OUR 10 YR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY (NOTE THE DRASTIC HAIR CHANGE ON BOTH PARTS)

AND YES I GOT BACK INTO MY WEDDING DRESS- WHICH WAS A PRETTY AMAZING FEAT SEEING AS ABOUT 5YRS AGO I TRIED IT ON AND IT GOT STUCK.....

Our Dr talking about freezing your eggs/embryos

My advice to anyone over the age of say 28? FREEZE YOUR EGGS!!! OR AT LEAST get an AMH test which gives an indication of your ovarian reserve and an fsh test which gives again (only an indication) of your ovarian quality. If FSH is HIGH this is not good if AMH is low this too is not good.

Freezing your eggs gives you a chance to have a baby without the pressure of time...... MY fertility went from hero to zero in the space of 2 yrs!

how a five day blastocyst develops

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcjJ8LUvdkc

BABY CJ is GOOD..but we missed the scan :(

The great news is at 7 +3 baby cj is good. There was a "subchoroniac area"- which may well have accounted for the bleed. The heartbeat was strong..YAY!!!! 150bpm

However someone from the agency was supposed to facetime us today with R for the scan at 9.30 (3.30 uk time) but nobody rang we waited and waited and now just found out the scan has already happened :( don't know why nobody told us- if there was some complication as to why nobody could facetime?! pretty upset as Mr CJ took a day from work to be here....and it means SO much to see scans...I wonder why nobody rang/texted/emailed us if there was an issue -just so we werent sat here for an hour worrying...it takes the excitement off a bit :( OF COURSE though we are THRILLED that Baby CJ is ok :)
LOOOOOK its getting ickle arms!!!!

UPDATE- just spoke with R on skype, she seems very well :) shes funny :) she said she is having some crazzzzy dreams!!!

our IVF and Surrogacy contacts

The primary point of this blog is for my friends and family to see what we are going about...but also if anyone (even just 1person) stumbles upon this and this helps them in anyway its more than worth it....so here is a list of all the people we have used

Dr Brian Kaplan- at Fertility Centres of Illinois- the nicest dr I have ever met, a handsome south african with the whitest teeth I have ever seen and a snazzy dresser ;) makes you feel special and will always call you back. Coleen- the embryologist Is also one of the top embryologists in America, her lab is super advanced. They sometimes come to the uk for conferences. Caryl is an excellent nurse who keeps us informed and lovely Donna who came in on a sunday to facetime with us so we could see the transfer of the embie.

Nancy/Jan/Susan -at CEO surrogacy agency in Chicago- thats how we found R.

Nicola Scott-at Natalie Gamble associates- Uk based lawyers on radio and tv alot best in their field of surrogacy law. Nicola and her office have been by far the NICEST lawyers we have ever dealt with.

Nora Zuckerman - at RossZuckerman in Chicago- you need a lawyer in the uk AND the states as the law is different in both. There is also Julie Tasovo, who is a famous Surrogacy lawyer in the states.

great sources of info at COTS uk and Surrogacy uk, babycenter usa.

BABY CJ's Baby Due Date Countdown

BABY CJ's Baby Due Date Countdown

HOW I KNOW WERE HAVING A GIRL!

PGD.....


This is a fairly controversial subject as some people do it PURELY to get a boy or a girl....
WE did it to lessen the risk of miscarriage through chromosomal issues. When they count the chromosomes they also see if the embryo is XX-girl or XY-boy
We had about half and half, We chose the best quality embryo to go in. Embryo number 1AKA sprout AKA Baby CJ.

there is an article on PGD/PGS that I have just posted.....

PGD (Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis)

PGD (Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis) | Fertility Centers of Illinois

Some frequently asked questions :)

1. When is Baby CJ due?- well the 15 April but she will likely come a week earlier as R has to have a section
2. Will you get to be there?- YES of course!!! We will be in the room or worst case if there is an emergency outside. I'm hoping to cut the cord- although it will be well Gross!!!I Imagine it like fighting a pulsating snake !!
3. When will you go out to Chicago?- We would LOVE to go out many many times but sadly we will only be going out for the birth, well maybe a week before. Money....yadda yadda.
4. How long do you have to stay there?- We have to wait for the USA birth certificate to come through, Mr CJ has to schlep to Washington DC to get The American Passport, THEN we can fly home, so about 6-8 wks.
5. Will she be American?!- YES...But also she will be BRITISH!!! She will have both passports , the lucky thing (as she was born in USA-but we will make her British at the courts in the UK)
6. What happens when you get home? - Well.....that parts a bit of a pain but unfortunately the way surrogacy law is AT THE MOMENT in the uk. We have an AMAZING lawyer Nicola Scott at Natalie Gamble Associates who will be guiding us through but, as I understand it (and I'm constantly getting confused- I will CLEARLY get this confusion cleared up in time!!!) we have to obtain a parental order from the courts. in a sense adopting our own child as even though In America we are straight away the legal parents, we go on the birth certificate etc...In the UK we are sadly not....R and her hubby are!!! As I understand it she signs something to say No she isn't then we have a social worker come to our house, check all is ok, then we have to go tot the high court up to 3 times and "present our case". IE why we should get our baby to stay with us and be a British citizen. The court check we haven't exploited R , or paid TOO MUCH, that kind of thing. Hopefully after about 6mnths of Baby CJ being back home she will formally be ours for keeps......I'm not looking forward to that part with a newborn I have to say! I think it will be quite a stressful time. BUT we want to do it properly, I have been told some people just bring their baby back on the American passport ...avoid the whole court shebang...BUT their baby would essentially be an illegal immigrant, NOT something particularly sensible id think!!!!
7. Will you let R breastfeed?- NO...not that she would want to anyway!!! We may broach about pumping the colostrum as its very immune boosting but we understand R will have had an operation and may not feel like it. I MAY look into induced lactation- AKA BF myself!!!! but this may be very hard to nigh impossible and Id rather baby cj had formula and had a relaxed mummy than a fraught mummy who was trying to get one drop of milk for her a day.
8. Does it upset you when people criticise Surrogacy and IVF?- OF COURSE, its very hurtful and I think people never truly understand something until they have to do it themselves. For instance personally I'm much more aware of the plight of gay people who want to have families. Its really tough for them and you take for granted how many men and women just can make a baby. I think if  LOVE is there anyone should be able to have a family- look at the amount of babies being popped out on council estates that live in essential squalor where the parents are high on drugs, smoke in front of them and neglect them, THEY shouldn't have babies not... well...us and others who would love to be a family. Also IVF is constantly criticised by pro- lifers I will in due course add some arguments via articles on the Internet to this blog, for and against.
9. "I could NEVER give up my baby"- Well R ISN'T giving up anything, its our baby not her genes so she is essentially GIVING HER BACK to us. It would be a different matter if it were her eggs. We joke that its "our bun in her oven"
10. "why couldn't you just adopt" we really wanted our own child somehow that biological link was important to at least TRY. We know there are millions of unwanted children out there, but also again there are ALOT of hardships along the way in adoption.....to be honest it always makes me want to say (but I'm never brave enough) to the person that may say that "why didn't you adopt than have your own kids then?!" As if its somehow SELFISH to want your own child.
11. "don't you feel left out?" -See my section on how we plan to bond.
12. "will you stay in contact with R" - If we continue to have a good relationship then to a degree yes of course, whatever we are all comfortable with..
13. "how do you know baby CJ is a GIRL already"- see my article on PGD -to be written soon.
14. "why America"- much safer, surrogates not exploited, they speak English....simples. HERE...you cant pay a surrogate hence not so many surrogates available, you are not treated as the mother and father, much more risky ....again simples.

That's all I can think of for now I may add some more later......

518 views!!!!

Who on earth is seeing this?!!! Ive only sent it to half a dozen or so people!!! it must be from google searches and the interweb!!! I now feel I REALLY ought to brush up on my grammar and spelling and typing!!!

Sorry to be so "shouty" with capitals, a few people have mentioned this and its very lazy of me, I promise henceforth to not SHOUT. Unless I'm cross .....or over excited...or to EMPHASISE A POINT lol...

Its pretty amazing so many people are interested! Id have thought hardly anyone would be...I'm sure it will taper off to just my trusty friends and family....I'm quite enjoying it! given the fact my knee is killing Ive done bugger all today bar this and chat to the bestie....

This WILL be a surrogacy blog but I will also be adding some of my own musings (ramblings) so feel free to skip those bits.....

7 weeks

7 weeks Baby CJ (photo courtesy of babycenter)

she is getting hands and feet!!! she has a small tail that will be her backbone...she is now the size of a blueberry...how delicious! she has eyelids forming over her eyes that already have a bit of colour!! And she has the start of a small nose (well hopefully small not like Uncle Paul)

A GIANT THANKYOU

I will Never be able to say thankyou ENOUGH.

THANKYOU THANKYOU- TO THE AMAZING EMBRYOLOGY TEAM FOR MAKING BABYCJ

THANKYOU- TO DR K THE BEST IVF DR IN THE WORLD

THANKYOU- TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE

TO MY DR'S

TO MY AMAZING FRIENDS WHO PUT UP WITH MY ECCENTRICITY

THANKYOU -TO THE AGENCY FOR FINDING R

THANKYOU- TO MY FAMILY - ON MY SIDE BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY SWEET NIECES AND NEPHEWS WHO HAVE BEEN SO DIVINE AND HAVE TAUGHT ME SO MUCH ABOUT LOVE

THANKYOU -TO MY IN LAWS WHO REALLY ARE THE BEST A GIRL COULD WISH FOR, TO LOVELY MUMMY CJ WHO IS NOT ONLY A GREAT MUMMY IN LAW BUT A BESTEST FRIEND. TO GRANDPA CJ WHO ESSENTIALLY HAS FUNDED THIS, CANT WAIT TO GIVE YOU A GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER TO WEAR YOUR PEARLS!

THANKYOU- TO R AND D WHO WITHOUT THEM NONE OF THIS WOULD BE POSSIBLE- YOU ARE A TRUE ANGEL FROM HEAVEN R.

AND LASTLY TO MR CJ - THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, MY PARTNER IN CRIME.

Sprout at 6 wks and 3 days

one bit is the baby and one bit the yolk sac (sounds like a chicken) Im not sure which!

Sprout as a 5 day blast just before transfer!!!!

PLEASE READ

IVE SENT THIS TO THE FEW FAMILY AND FRIENDS THAT KNOW, EVENTUALLY WILL LIKELY ADD IT TO MY FACEBOOK, ITS A GOOD WAY OF UPDATING PEOPLE SO THEY CAN READ IN THEIR OWN TIME WITHOUT CONSTANT BOMBARDMENT FROM ME TO THEM OR VICE VERSA!!! TO THE WORLD AND ITS WIFE WE WONT BE OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCING ANYTHING TO 12 WKS SO PLEASE KEEP THIS TO YOURSELVES FOR NOW...THANKYOU :)

HAVENT EVEN SAID...

when baby due!!!!

15 april 2014!!!! but R has to have a c sec so probably about the 8th april :)

HOW ITS BEEN SO FAR!

SURROGACY IS MAGICAL..BUT STRESSFUL...ITS A BIT LIKE A ROLLER COASTER...BUT WE HAVE ALOT OF SUPPORT FROM FAMILY AND CLOSE FRIENDS WHICH HELPS ALOT. EVERYONE IS ROOTING FOR US!!! EVERY STEP IS NERVE WRACKING FROM HOW MANY EGGS YOU GOT, TO HOW MANY MADE IT THROUGH THE TOUGH BLASTOCYST CREATING STAGE....BUT JUST WHEN YOU FEEL A BIT OVERWHELMED SOMETHING LOVELY LIKE SEEING A SCAN PIC OR SPEAKING TO R CHEERS YOU UP. R AND I SPEAK ALOT ON EMAIL AND WE SKYPE ABOUT 1X A WEEK, R IS VERY FUNNY SHES ACTUALLY VERY LIKE MY OLDER SISTER. R HAS BEEN GREAT, SHES VERY DOWN TO EARTH BUT ALSO UNDERSTANDS HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO BE SO FAR AWAY.SHE IS DOING HER BEST TO INCLUDE US. THE IVF CLINIC ARE ALSO GOOD AT TELLING US WHATS GOING ON. R HAD A BLEED ON SAT NIGHT, WE DID NT KNOW UNTIL MONDAY, I DO WISH WED KNOWN SOONER BUT R DID NT WANT TO WORRY US, I HAVE THOUGH SAID IN FUTURE PLEASE DO LET US KNOW! SHE WAS GREAT THOUGH AND ACTED FAST AND TOOK HERSELF TO A AND E WHERE BABY CJ WAS SAFELY STILL TUCKED AWAY AND HER LITTLE HEART BEATING. THE BLEEDING HAS STOPPED AND I'M HOPEFUL THE SCAN TOMORROW AND JUST OVER 7 WKS WILL BE OK. APPARENTLY ONCE THERE IS A HEARTBEAT THINGS LOOK MUCH BETTER AND I KNOW EVERY WK THAT GOES BY THE MORE LIKELY BABY CJ WILL STAY PUT! I'M LONGING FOR 12 WKS WHEN WE CAN ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD!!!ITS VERY HARD KEEPING MY TRAP SHUT!!! R IS CRAVING SUSHI (BLEURGH!) SHE CANT EAT IT AS ITS DANGEROUS IN PREGNANCY BUT I HAVE PROMISED A DELIVERY OF SUSHI TO HER WHEN BABY CJ IS HERE!  I WONDER IF BABY CJ WILL ASK FOR THINGS WE LIKE, I'M ALSO GOING TO USE BABY CJ AS AN EXCUSE WHEN I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING TO EAT...BUT HONEY BABYCJ WANTS CURRY ;) CAN YOU HAVE CRAVINGS WHEN YOU ARE NT PREGGERS YOURSELF?! R IS FEELING GREAT, A LITTLE "BLAH" AS SHE SAYS SO IVE SENT HER SOME TIPS ON NAUSEA. ID LOVE TO BE PREGNANT MYSELF (IF IT WOULD NT KILL ME) ID LOVE TO FEEL HER KICKING INSIDE ME...
PEOPLE HAVE ASKED DO I FEEL JEALOUS/WEIRDED OUT? I CAN SAFELY SAY AT THIS TIME NO....I'M JUST SO GRATEFUL TO R FOR DOING THIS AMAZING THING FOR US. YES ITS A LOT OF MONEY BUT WHAT ELSE IS MORE WORTH IT THAN CHILDREN? I DO NT REGRET A PENNY SPENT. I'M JUST SO GLAD TO NOT FEEL SICK!!! I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT BONDING ETC AND THIS IS WHAT I'M HOPING FOR:

DURING PREGNANCY:

TO BE INVOLVED AS MUCH AS POSS...BEING PRESENT AT FACETIME FOR ALL THE SCANS, SPEAKING TO R AS MUCH AS SHES HAPPY WITH,GETTING COPIES OF ALL THE SCANS TO PUT IN MY BABY BOOK ETC....

TO BUY R A DOPPLER SO WE CAN HEAR HER HEARTBEAT WHEN WE SPEAK TO R.

TO BUY R SOME BELLYBUDS WHERE WE RECORD OUR VOICES FOR R TO PLAY BABYCJ SO SHE CAN RECOGNISE OUR VOICES FROM 2O WKS

TO DO 3D/4D SCANS MAYBE A COUPLE WHEN BABYCJ LOOKS MORE HUMANLIKE AND LESS BLOB/ALIENLIKE.

AFTER:

I'M HOPING WE WILL BOTH BE IN THE ROOM BUT WE DON'T KNOW YET...I WOULD LIKE TO CUT THE CORD AND AS SOON AS BABY CJ IS MEDICALLY CLEARED DO SKIN TO SKIN WITH HER. IM ALSO LOOKING INTO INDUCED LACTATION BUT THIS MIGHT BE A BIT HARD/IMPOSSIBLE.

I CANT WAIT TO BUY THINGS...AND DO THE NURSERY. I'M GOING TO BE ALL OVER BUYING SECURITY THINGS...NEUROTIC FIRST TIME MUMMY!
I'M ALSO LOOKING FORWARD TO INTRODUCING BABY CJ TO FRIENDS KIDS. IVE ALREADY DECIDED TO MARRY HER OFF TO MY BEST FRIENDS SON ;)
ALSO OUR NIECES AND NEPHEWS ARE EXCITED AND I CANT WAIT FOR THEM TO HAVE A NEW COUSIN.

TIMELINE SO FAR

FEB 14 2013- WE MATCHED WITH R

4 MAY 2013 -FLEW TO CHICAGO TO CREATE POTENTIAL BABY CJS/ MEET R FACE TO FACE, DO CONTRACTS ETC....

28 JULY 2013- TRANSFER FET 1 5 DAY BLASTOCYST TO R

8 AUGUST 2013- POSITIVE PREGNANCY BLOOD BETA. HCG 224 GREAT START

12 AUGUST 2013- BETA 1345. WE HAD THE PERSEOID METEOR SHOWER THAT NIGHT, WE WISHED ON ALOT OF SHOOTING STARS!!

23 AUGUST 2013 - FIRST SCAN AT 6 +3 DAYS LITTLE HEARTBEAT SEEN :) BEATING STRONG AT 120 BPM.

24 AUGUST 2013- R HAD A BLEED :( WENT TO THE ER WHERE BABYCJ WAS OK :) SHES BEING CAREFUL UNTIL OUR 2ND SCAN AT 7 +3 ON FRIDAY 30TH AUGUST.....

30 AUGUST 2013- SCAN 7 + 3 ALL WELL :)

HOW WE GOT HERE.....

CUTTING A REALLY LONG STORY SHORT.....
WE FELT BROODY PRETTY MUCH BANG ON MY 3OTH BDAY IN MAY 2009. IVE ALWAYS LOVED MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS BUT DIDN'T REALLY MIND BEFORE WHETHER WE HAD KIDS OR NOT. BUT SOMETHING CHANGED IN ME I FELT THAT OVERWHELMING NEED TO BE A MUMMY. SO WE TRIED IN AUGUST AND IN SEPTEMBER I GOT PREGNANT! WE WERE JUST THRILLED :) ID HAD SWINE FLU SO STARTED OFF NOT FEELING TOO GREAT BUT FOR 2 WEEKS I HONESTLY FELT AMAZING...THEN THE SICKNESS KICKED IN...NOT MUCH AT FIRST THEN IT BECAME ALL ENCOMPASSING, I WORRIED THE DR WOULD THINK I WAS BEING A WUSS SO DIDN'T GO UNTIL I PRACTICALLY CRAWLED IN. STRAIGHT AWAY I WAS SENT TO HOSPITAL AND PUT ON A DRIP IN A AND E. IT WAS PRETTY HORRENDOUS AS WAS A FRIDAY NIGHT FULL OF DRUNKS AND ROWDY PEOPLE. I KEPT ON ASKING TO GO HOME BUT IT WAS A BIG FAT NO!!! ANYHOW AFTER 3 DAYS I JUST WASN'T GETTING BETTER- I HAD "SEVERE AND LIFE THREATENING HYPEREMESIS GRAVIDARUM", HENCE THE SAD END OF PREGNANCY NO 1.

THE NEXT YR WAS FULL OF COMPLICATIONS FROM THE HG BUT I WAS DETERMINED TO GET STRONG FIND OUT AS MUCH AS POSS ABOUT HG AND HAVE MY BABY...EVENTUALLY AFTER BEING TOLD I NEEDED IVF AS FOR SOME REASON MY FERTILITY HAD DRASTICALLY REDUCED IN LESS THAN 2 YRS I GOT PREGNANT AGAIN AFTER A WHILE OF TRYING...EXCITED BUT SCARED BUT ALSO I FELT PREPARED. HOWEVER AGAIN THIS WAS NOT MEANT TO BE AND THE SAME HAPPENED AGAIN BUT WAY WORSE..THIS TIME I HAD STEROIDS AND THAT DIDNT HELP. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE, GENUINELY. TRULY THE MOST TERRIFYING HORRENDOUS EXPERIENCE I HAVE EVER FELT, IN TRUTH EVEN WORSE THAN MY FATHER DYING -AND I LOVED HIM VERY MUCH.

AGAIN MANY COMPLICATIONS FOLLOWED AND WE KNEW WE WOULD NOT DO THIS AGAIN, IN FACT I WAS TOLD NOT TO. SO WE KNEW ADOPTION OR SURROGACY WAS OUR ONLY OPTION TO BE A FAMILY. WE EXPLORED SO MAY DIFFERENT THINGS, BABY GIRLS FROM CHINA...BUT THERE WERE SO MANY HURDLES, SO IN THE END WE SETTLED FOR SURROGACY, WE CREATED SOME EMBRYOS AT AN AMAZING CLINIC IN CHICAGO WE FOUND A FABULOUS AMAZING SURROGATE AND WE WERE GOOD TO GO! WE HAD OUR PYCH EVALUATIONS, SCREENING, EVERYTHING WAS DONE WITH DUE CARE AND PROFESSIONALLY. MEETING R WAS AMAZING WE TOOK HER KIDS TO THE AQUARIUM IN CHICAGO AND HAD A LOVELY LUNCH, BOTH SETS OF GROWN UPS READY FOR THIS ADVENTURE. WE CHOSE AMERICA AS WE FELT SAFER THERE THAN HERE AS IT IS MUCH MORE LEGALLY RECOGNISED, WE CHOSE IT ALSO AS WHILST SOME OTHER COUNTRIES WHERE WAY CHEAPER LIKE INDIA WE WANTED TO MAKE SURE OUR SURROGATE WASNT "EXPLOITED" AND WAS DOING IT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.

SO ON JULY 28TH ABOUT 7PM UK TIME WE TRANSFERRED 1 EMBIE TO R. WE WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE BEEN IN CHICAGO BUT WE JUST CANT AFFORD TO FLY OUT ALL THE TIME SO WE SAW IT ON FACETIME, IT WAS PROBABLY THE MOST MOVING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE, WE WERE MADE TO FEEL SO INCLUDED AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL :) SEEING THE LITTLE BALL OF CELLS THAT COULD BE A PERSON WAS FASCINATING AND MADE ME MARVEL AT THE WONDERS OF IVF AND SCIENCE IN GENERAL! THEY SENT A LOVELY CARD TO US WITH THE PICTURE OF THE EMBIE IN WITH "EVERYTHING BIG STARTS OF LITTLE" ON IT. I CANT STOP LOOKING AT IT!!! I WILL POST A PIC WHEN I CAN WORK OUT HOW! IM NOT THE BEST AT COMPUTERS...

ILL ALSO DO A TIME LINE OF "EVENTS" WHEN I CAN WORK OUT HOW!