Sometimes this is very hard to do...I wonder why? I've been up all night worrying about this bleed.
The internet is amazing but sometimes it just makes you feel worse. I cant think or do anything until this scan tomorrow at 3.30pm our time, I just want baby CJ to be ok AND for the bleed to go...If it doesn't go soon the baby detaches. I have ZERO control. ZERO...and I don't like having ZERO control. I want to keep busy but all I can do is SIT and drink tea. And WORRY. The dogs know something is up..funny how they just know... I am going to FORCE myself to have a shower, something to eat, take the dogs out and maybe try and find a nice film or sit and read in the garden. I seem to have compiled a list a mile high of things I MUST do today when really they can all wait until friday. Mr CJ is working from home tomorrow so at least he will be here. I have even gone so far as to think I might pop over to the church and pray. I really cant lose another baby. I feel so attached to this little kidney bean shaped blob already, knowing its a girl makes her seem more "alive". I hope she knows how much she is loved, how many people are excited to meet her....I mean this could ALL be ok....we just don't know...the bleed in the uterus is pretty big by all accounts and not in a good place. The risk of a MC is about 15% now. R is on pelvic rest, Im hoping she is being as "resty" as she can...Again I have no control over this, it not being MY body.
R is discharged from FCI tomorrow whatever happens as really they will have done their bit and its now her OBYGN who takes over. I asked Dr K about more scans and he said that basically if she is going to lose it she will lose it (but in kinder words) and a scan doesn't make any difference, however Mr CJ and I feel that we would rather keep scanning because if the clot HAS GONE we can rest easy (or easier) and not worry ourselves sick for another month until the 12 wk scan....And if the clot does do its worst then we can prepare ourselves, instead of the shock for us AND R if we scan at 12 wks and baby is either gone or still there but no little heart beating. I am trying to get hold of FCI to tell them this and see what can be done. Mind you its 4.40am in Chicago so I will be waiting a while...urgh time difference!!!!
One of my best friends E says break the day into chunks and reward yourself every step you do...She is such a good friend to me, love her to bits.
On a positive note hoping that this all goes well, Godparents are chosen :) I have kind of been a bit demanding and got more of my friends than Mr CJs (well actually 4-1) but he doesn't mind at all and in fact agreed that - no offence to them but they would make pretty rubbish Godparents! The ones we have chosen I look up to for various reasons, kindness, how they have been there for us, fun, and a good influence!
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